hey say there's something on the Web for everyone. Most of it is useless information.
Just type in anything on a search engine - let's say ... butt-munch, Snagglepuss or Carefree sugarless gum - and you will come up with a million and one references. Everything you always wanted to know about nothing but weren't afraid to ask.
For the fun of it, we typed in a series of music-related questions and artist names to see what we could come up with.
Here are the results:
"What's wrong with today's music?" - There were no shortages of opinion. One poor soul at //members.tripod.com/Beeracuda/music.html can't find anything worthy to listen to on the radio. "Is it just me, or has the music industry simply gone downhill in the past few years?" he asks.
"What's out there today bears absolutely no resemblance to what I grew up with in the '70s," he writes, blasting rap in particular. "My idea of music is a song that has a good rhythm, good lyrics and decent-sounding instruments. The only thing I hear from rap music is headache-inducing drums, someone scratching a record. ... What I hear in rap songs (when I understand them) is nothing more than people talking trash about some 'chick' or how 'bad' they are, etc. Is it the shock value of some of the words they say which makes these songs so popular?"
Don't torment yourself, fella. We can solve your first mistake right here, right now: Turn off your radio. Go play your quadraphonic '70s albums and relax. Better yet, since Dear Abby's not here, we'll give her pat answer to everything: seek counseling.
"Whatever became of Taco?" - Nobody really knows, but damned if there isn't a Web site dedicated to him. At www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Towers/5227/index.html, the Webmaster greets visitors with "Welcome to the only Web site devoted to the often-overlooked entertainer Taco Ockerse and his one hit song, 'Puttin' On the Ritz.' "
It's sad, almost pathetic, isn't it? But the site has had nearly 24,000 hits. It offers visitors a brief Taco bio, discography (and you can click to buy any one of his two studio albums) and links (of course, they didn't have any links to link to, but that's just a minor detail).
Now, about that bio ... it's only one paragraph, and it reveals the last official Taco sighting - "He apparently played the role of 'man at party' in the 1991 German film 'Karniggels,' directed by Detlev Buck."
Glad we cleared that up.
Taco, we hardly knew ye.
"Worst album ever" - At www.songsearch.com/worst.html, a contributor made a clear-cut choice: William Shatner's "Transformed Man." No argument here.
"You have to hear it to believe it!" the contributor writes. "Capt. Kirk should have stuck to flying the Enterprise around the galaxy, it had to be less dangerous than making this turkey public! Check out 'Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds,' Bill's version of the Beatles classic. He had to be on drugs when he did this one ... or at least temporarily insane. Unbelievable."
That "worst" search also came up with a list of the Top 10 worst film performances by a singer - 10, Steve Alaimo ("Wild Rebels"); 9, Ricky Nelson ("Rio Bravo"); 8, Fabian ("North to Alaska"); 7, Frankie Avalon ("The Alamo"); 6, Bobby Vinton ("Big Jake"); 5, Tony Bennett ("The Oscar"); 4, Trini Lopez ("The Dirty Dozen"); 3, Paul Anka ("Girls Town"); 2, Sting ("Dune") and No. 1, Glen Campbell ("True Grit"). What, no Tom Jones in "Mars Attacks!"?
"Henry Gross, where are you?" - Amazingly, that prompted 35,547 references, most referring to anyone named Henry or Gross but quite a few linking to Gross CDs available to buy. Gross, indeed.
The, uh, most interesting link came from //best.com/~bigerbtr/beards/celebrity/music/music.html. The former Sha Na Na singer, whose solo career included a maudlin ode to his dead dog "Shannon," was immortalized on the Celebrity Beards Web site. Yep, his mug is right up there with everyone from new-age artist Philip Aaberg to Alan Parsons Project's Eric Woolfson.
Gross also was spotted at www.cyndilauper.com, where it was revealed that Lauper sang background on Gross' 1981 song "That Someone" soon after she split from her band Blue Angel.
See what you can learn from the Web? It's an invaluable educational tool. Use it, know it, love it.
With that in mind, Pause & Play hopes you appreciate its monthly countdown of 10 significant '90s albums in its march toward the next decade. Volume 7 pops up in August. By the end of November, you will have read synopses of 100 LPs. These are, in one column's humble opinion, the Top 100 essential albums of the 1990s.
Providing some guest commentary are the king of parodies, "Weird Al" Yankovic; singer-guitarist Adam Gardner of the Boston power-pop group Guster, and vocalist Karina Deniké of the ska-pop band Dance Hall Crashers.
Yankovic is "Running With Scissors" (Way Moby/Volcano) in the Top 25 on Billboard's 200 pop albums chart this week and, with a gold record already in his pocket, he's well on his way to topping 1 million in sales. Hybrid/Sire has big plans for Guster's second album, "Lost and Gone Forever" (released Aug. 24). They're already off to a great start; the band's infectious "Barrel of a Gun" was P&P's single of the week last week. Dance Hall Crashers left MCA for the personal touch of an indie, releasing its fourth full-length album, "Purr," on Pink & Black/Fat Wreck Chords on Aug. 24. All three will be featured in future P&P editions.
(The following albums are not listed alphabetically, chronologically or in order of importance. Anything that came out in the 1990s - even greatest-hits packages, box sets and compilations - is eligible for inclusion. That's right, everything's fair game.)
THE DOWNWARD SPIRAL, Nine Inch Nails (Nothing/TVT/Interscope, 1994): Heavily influenced by David Bowie's "Low," Trent Reznor continued his dark vision of angst-and-despair-riddled industrial rock. Amazingly, Top 40 radio climbed aboard the self-destruction bus. Yankovic: "I love Nine Inch Nails, which is pretty obvious from the fact that 'Germs' off my new album is a Nine Inch Nails-style parody. I love that album and listened to it a gazillion times." Gardner: "I guess my only comment is that a long time ago we used to do a cover of Nine Inch Nails, an acoustic version of 'Down In It.' We love to throw in things you wouldn't expect." Deniké: "I like some of the stuff on there, but some of it I'm totally uninterested in. Trent Reznor drives me batty." Prime cuts: "Closer," "March of the Pigs," "Big Man With a Gun," "Downward Spiral."
DIG YOUR OWN HOLE, The Chemical Brothers (Astralwerks, 1997): One listen to "Block Rockin' Beats" is all it takes to get hooked to the premier techno album. Combining the best elements of rock, hip-hop and house music, the English DJ/production team left the underground dance world in a trail of dust and took its bombastic sound global. Yankovic: "I like them, but I don't have any of their CDs. I've been meaning to pick one up, because I really like that electronica stuff. They've made some of the best videos I've ever seen. Their latest one just blows my mind." Gardner: "I'm glad that electronica music is in the mainstream. It's something I've only recently discovered. I guess I used to dismiss it as 'God, they're not really doing anything or writing anything. That's great if you're on acid,' but now I'm going to say I'm just glad it exists." Deniké: "I'm into certain electronica music, like Stereolab and Björk, but the Chemical Brothers are okay." Prime cuts: "Block Rockin' Beats," "Setting Sun," "Get Up On It Like This," "Dig Your Own Hole."
GARTH BROOKS, Garth Brooks (Capitol, 1990): Dwight Yoakam, Steve Earle and Randy Travis ushered in the "new country" scene in the 1980s, snapping Music Row out of its doldrums. Brooks took it to multiplatinum heights with this huge debut, and he earned every penny. With his classic country-styled voice, he poured every ounce of heart and soul into studio and live performances. "The Dance" says it all. Yankovic: "I'm not really into country. I saw him perform live once and he's an incredible showman. It's very easy to see how he's been able to cross over and become one of the hugest artists of the 20th century." Deniké: "I can't listen to that at all, but you know, he's good. He's a great entertainer and a great songwriter. I really don't understand why people are so in love with him. I'm always surprised to hear the kinds of numbers of people who go to see him. I'm like, 'That guy?!' " Prime cuts: "Friends In Low Places," "The Dance," "Much Too Young (To Feel This Damn Old)," "If Tomorrow Never Comes."
THE CHRONIC, Dr. Dre (Death Row, 1993): A founding member of N.W.A., this revolutionary rap visionary made a big splash with his solo debut, garnering two Grammys and spawning a host of imitators and pretenders. There's only one Dr. in the house. Yankovic: "I like that, I'm down with Dr. Dre." Deniké: "I like the earlier N.W.A. stuff, but I think he's getting a little too poppy for my taste. They had a harder edge back in the day, but I still respect him. He's still my homey." Prime cuts: "Nuthin' But a 'G' Thang," "Dre Day," "Let Me Ride," "The Chronic."
THE PET SOUNDS SESSIONS (box set), The Beach Boys (Capitol, 1997): Arguably the greatest pop album of all time, this Brian Wilson nugget has influenced several generations of artists. The box set, remixed a year earlier by Wilson in glorious stereo, contains every studio nuance imaginable, giving a rarefied glimpse into the inner workings of a tortured genius. Yankovic: "Brian Wilson is so cool. I love the Beach Boys, and 'Pet Sounds' is worthy of the hype, definitely. Little-known fact: I actually did a session with Brian Wilson. He called me in to do some accordion work on a song that I don't think ever got released. It was going to be on an album that was going to be called 'Sweet Insanity.' It was when he was working with his psychiatrist, Dr. Eugene Landy. It was almost painfully autobiographical, and I don't even remember the name of the song I did, but it was done in waltz time and he had me doing this extreme oom-pah-pah accordion part. I was more than happy to do it; it was an incredible joy to work with Brian Wilson." Gardner: "Oh god, if you hear our record, you can hear that we're obviously influenced by 'Pet Sounds' directly. There was one track where we said, 'Let's make this sound like the Beach Boys.' It's 'All the Way Up to Heaven,' certainly the bridge section, there's like a five-part harmony that's 'Pet Sounds' all the way. We've got jingle bells ringing, a little tremolo thing going on." Deniké (laughing): "I wasn't influenced by the Beach Boys; I was influenced more by people who were influenced by the Beach Boys." Prime cuts: "Wouldn't It Be Nice," "Sloop John B," "God Only Knows," "Caroline, No," "I Just Wasn't Made For These Times."
TEN, Pearl Jam (Epic/Associated, 1992): The Seattle-based rock group came together almost by accident in 1990, formed by guitarist Stone Gossard and bassist Jeff Aument after the death of Mother Love Bone singer Andrew Wood. A demo tape landed in Eddie Vedder's hands in San Diego, and he was quickly asked to join. They seemingly came out of nowhere with this grunge classic, selling more than 9 million copies and helping to prompt record labels to sign every single musician in Seattle. Yankovic: "Eddie Vedder, he's very cool. It's like a time capsule, there's so many hits from that album. (Laughing) I'm thinking about the song 'My Baby's In Love With Eddie Vedder' on my new album. I have to keep apologizing for that song; I really meant no harm toward Eddie. It's a joke. In fact, I apologize to him in the liner notes." Gardner: "That's a great record. It's amazing to me how Pearl Jam is right there at the front of grunge and they're still evolving. It's hard to do that and not get pigeonholed. That's an incredible feat." Deniké: "I can't stand his voice. I'm kind of a vocal snob, so that's part of the problem. It sounds like he's hurting his voice. He probably has nodes. It's painful for me to listen to." Prime cuts: "Jeremy," "Alive," "Even Flow," "Black."
FEAR OF A BLACK PLANET, Public Enemy (Def Jam, 1990): Flavor Flav and company took on Hollywood racism and urban policy, among other things, on this hip-hop masterpiece, a funky, intense follow-up to the 1988 groundbreaking "It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back." Deniké: "That's pretty awesome, I have to say. It's a great record, totally influential. Everyone quotes it as being one of their all-time top records, and for good reason. They didn't give a shit. They came out with some bold things, saying things that nobody had said before and they didn't care. At that time, I think people were leery of hip-hop and what it was going to mean to the music industry and they were really afraid of it. It has tons of energy." Prime cuts: "911 Is a Joke," "Brothers Gonna Work It Out," "Burn Hollywood Burn," "Pollywanacraka," "Welcome to the Terrordome."
TO BRING YOU MY LOVE, PJ Harvey (Island, 1995): Polly Jean tapped into the raw, emotional power of blues and gospel and spawned some disturbing, yet intriguing songs of birth, destruction and sacrifice. Some powerful stuff. Yankovic: "She's excellent. There's something exotic and weird about her, but she's sexy in a bizarre kind of way. It's like a New York sexy vibe. It's hard to pinpoint. She's a great songwriter and a very interesting performer, very eminently watchable." Deniké: "I have tons of friends who love PJ Harvey. I totally like her songwriting, but again I'm a vocal snob, so there's a few points in there where she can't quite go get what she's going for. Musically, she's interesting and there's a lot of playfulness in her stuff." Prime cuts: "Down By the Water," "Send His Love to Me," "To Bring You My Love," "Working For the Man."
CLEVELAND ROCKS! MUSIC FROM THE DREW CAREY SHOW (TV soundtrack), various artists (Rhino, 1998): Not a fan of the hit ABC series? Then you won't enjoy this combination of classic rock and R&B tracks and wildly funny cast performances. Yankovic (laughing, recalling that he appeared in an episode last year): "That was another Epiphany for me. They had me come on doing a cameo as 'Weird Al,' and at the time I had had (laser) eye surgery and I was clean-shaven. They said, 'We want you to wear fake glasses and a fake mustache.' I went along with it, because Drew's a pal and I didn't want to upset the producers. During the taping, I felt like I was wearing a 'Weird Al' Halloween costume, and I decided that was the last time I was going to do that." Prime cuts: "Cleveland Rocks," The Presidents of the United States of America; "Five O'Clock World," The Vogues; "What Is Hip?," Tower of Power; "Moon Over Parma," Drew Carey; "Lust For Life," Iggy Pop; "Cleveland Rocks," Ian Hunter.
MUSIC BOX, Mariah Carey (Columbia, 1993): Don't laugh, this is fairly decent for what it is, an inoffensive pop record. Digging deep into her gospel and opera roots, Carey showed off her pop sass and smarts more than ever before. Yankovic: "What can I say? She's your pop diva, she's good Top 40 fodder, but she's an incredible singer." Deniké: "I have to give her some credit for carving her own path. She's obviously an amazing singer, but I'm not crazy about some of her style and some of the songwriting is a little boring to me." Prime cuts: "Dreamlover," "Hero," "Anytime You Need a Friend," "Without You."
